Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Emotional Knapsack

I've read that one of the 'side effects' of being pregnant is that, one can tend to be overly emotional at times. Well, pregnant or not, I do tend to be quite a softie. Any sad or touching stuff can easily start me sniffing and reaching for my kleenex.

Over the weekend, I watched - well, only partly watched - The Last Samurai on HBO. I didn't even know the whole story but in that last scene, where Tom Cruise goes to hand Katsumoto's sword to the emperor, I could sense the tear ducts starting to activate. And when the emperor said, 'Tell me how he died..' and he replied, 'I will tell you how he lived..' It was like..awww man - hold back the tears, hold back the tears!!

A few weeks ago, I watched Mona Lisa Smile. Same scenario, the last scenes in the movie, where the girls ride alongside Julia Robert's taxi and wave her goodbye...sob sob sob.....

Now granted, these are professionals at work. It's their job to make you feel the movie. Getting you to cry means weyheyyy! The producers, the actors have done their job.

I did have one moment though - it was quite some time ago now. I was driving to work in the morning. Listening to the radio and out comes the song 'The Reason' by Hoobastank. I love that song. Got the mp3, listen to it all the time. But that morning it was different. Listening to the lyrics, I suddenly found my eyes welling up.

'I'm not a perfect person, there's many things I wish I didn't do, but I continue learning...'..'I found a reason for me..to change who I used to be..'

I started to think of my life now - my lovely husband and baby on the way..

Halfway through the song, tears were streaking down my face. Good thing I don't wear mascara! Funny, how sometimes, these little things can trigger off the most compelling response. Was it the pregnancy hormones at work? Perhaps. Haven't had any more moments like that though. But I can't imagine how i'll be like when the baby DOES arrive. There'll be two cry babies then..

Monday, June 27, 2005

I Don't Want To Be

I don't wanna be
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me


I love these lyrics from Gavin DeGraw's I Don't Want To Be.

We live in a world of expectations. People expect this and that of us. Since we were young, we've all been taught to conform to certain ideals and standards. Trying to be different and not doing what other people do, labels yourself as a misfit or a show off who doesn't fit in. Which is quite sad. It's sad to think that this is what the education system and social upbringing does to us.

We should all be recognized as unique, creative, beautiful, wonderful individuals with different things to offer to the world. Wouldn't it be great to live knowing that you can be whatever you want to be, that anything you dream is possible.. Wouldn't that be great indeed..

Starting Your Own Business

On Saturday, my husband and I attended a workshop entitled 'A Practical Guide to Starting Your Own Business' which was held at MIM in KL. We thought we would be the only ones to fly there for the course but there were other participants who flew from Kuching, Terengganu and even the Phillipines. The best thing about joining these type of workshops or courses, is that you are with a like minded group of people. Those who are in the same shoes, wanting to own our own businesses or do something different in life. The workshop was useful. There was a great deal of interesting and inspiring information for aspiring entrepreneurs. Particularly useful, i felt, was the exercise in generating business ideas and then applying the GO/NO GO matrix to get an idea of the feasibility. We even did a group exercise of manufacturing envelopes and seeing how many we would be able to sell off. Though the exercise was fun, it took quite a great deal of time to complete and I felt there wasn't a really strong message behind it, applicable to the purpose we joint the workshop. How were we supposed to make good quality envelopes anyway, when the equipment supplied i.e. the scissors, were those really blunt and bad quality ones. The kind you'd use in kindergarten. Anyway, the overall workshop was interesting. A definite push to really go and crank that business idea up!

Monday, June 20, 2005

Does It Come In Black?

The new Batman movie, Batman Begins was..in my opinion, highly entertaining and quite..cool! Christian Bale fits in as the Caped Crusader just fine, perhaps even better than some of his predecessors. I am not really familiar with the comics and the story of how Batman really began and so, I found the plot interesting, exciting, humorous and surprising at times. I liked Gary Oldman as Sergeant Jim Gordon. Particularly since we just saw a rerun of Friends were he guest starred as the spitting actor and I also still had an image of him as Sirius Black in my mind.

Monday, June 13, 2005

AF3: Bye Bye Baby

So OK, the 2nd AF3 concert was not that bad. Despite time management problems - heh, poor newsreader guy, got cut off by the higher powers of AF! - But sure maa, AF is wayy important than news..hehehe

Unlucky for Aznil, who didn't have the chance to practice his usual rambling and dramatizations. When he announced that Eliza "Baby" was the one with least votes, they didn't seem to believe him.

The 2nd concert was..at the start, a bit frightening. Since this time round, the producers had managed to get two highly honest artists on the critique panel. When Adlin 'Sultan Melaka' said that Amy's performance was lazy and the white boots didn't do their job..both my hubby and I cringed. Eeekk...the guy was brutally honest! Bet Amy wished that the floor doors where the bag appeared last week would open up so that she could jump in. That was certainly how I felt. Adlin and Hattan really sucker punched the first few students who performed. Luckily, after Amylea performed they seemed to soften up a bit. Ahhh..they're MEN after all!

OK question: How come Mawi and Felix are leading by such a big margin??? Doesn't seem fair. How are the fans doing it??

I watched the repeat of the Imbasan and woww...M Nasir said that Mawi was really dissapointing and if it were up to him, he would send Mawi a packing home. Wow, strong statement.

I didn't really have a favourite performance for the 2nd concert. I like the song Mungkin, but I didnt like Kefli singing it. Aidil didn't quite have the soul for 'I Dont Wanna Miss A Thing'. Idayu's voice seemed to be swallowed by the music. Ekin was beautiful in her kebaya thingy. And Felix...well, as Adlin said 'weird..but interesting!'

PS..dontya think that floor hatch opening thingy takes ages..they should scrap it to save time!

18 1/2 weeks

I'm now into the 19th week of my pregnancy. My my..how time flies. I'll be 5 months soon.

I had my doctor's appointment last Saturday. After some deliberation, I have decided that I will settle with this doctor, Dr Chin. Many friends have recommended me to try out other doctors as well, but since I had already gone to Dr Chin, I figure I'll just stay on there. A bit too lazy and time consuming to go check out the others. Perhaps for the next babies :)

Anyway, it was a great relief to see the Dr. I love having my tummy ultrasound-ed and seeing baby. I also go to a regular clinic but always leave feeling unsure because their ultrasound machine is not really clear. At Dr Chin's, I can really see the baby clearly. He can even zoom in and out, the wonders of modern medicine! And he will let me hear the baby's heartbeat, which is very reassuring indeed. This time round, I could see baby's limbs clearly. It looked as though he/she was sucking the thumb. How cute! The baby's head was measured at 40mm, I think. It couldn't have been 40cm! The doctor said that this was about the right size for 18 weeks. Other than that, doctor also said that the placenta is still a bit low, perhaps since it's still early.

He also said that I should try not to gain too much weight! Oh dear. Well, it seems I had gained 3kg since my last visit. I didn't have much appetite for dinner during the first trimester but since I graduated into the second trimester, the appetite is back..with a vengeance! Mmm...must eat more fruit and veggies..and try to avoid the burgers and fries! *Gulp* Can I still have dim sum?

More baby updates soon.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005


Cantiknya pelamin.. Posted by Hello

A Little Princess Posted by Hello

Hubby, me and cousin Hakim at Adi's wedding. Posted by Hello

AF3: Keeping It Simple

Last Saturday night, AF fans were treated to the first (well, second actually - if you count the Prelude Concert in) concert of the season. Instead of the usual 3 hour concert that we are used to from the previous seasons, Saturday's concert aired in a whooping 4 and half hours! Including a half hour interval for Astro News at 11pm. AF die hard fanatics would probably have loved this extra coverage. As for me, I found it tiresome and thought 'What the heck are they trying to do??!'

One thing is sure, the AF production team this year just can't make their minds up. First they introduced the Prelude Concert and dropped 8 students. And then, despite Aznil's on and on rambling that 'yesss..someone will be going home..' during the first concert, they turn around and say that they are taking two of the rejects back??! Perhaps they are simply playing into requests by fans on CH15 that continually sms 'AFUNDI MAWI...', 'AFUNDI MARSHA...' I thought Rosma should've been taken back in in the first season. But then, after seeing the emotions Linda went through in the second season, Rosma was probably better off.

Saturday's concert wasn't spectacular. The only good performances I felt were from Ekin and Felix. Despite raves for Idayu's performance, I just thought it was OK. She just sounded too Siti-like, I think she could've sung better with her 'own' voice. I'm dubbing Kefli and Aidil as the 'pretty boys', they're like the singers in boybands who can't really sing but have got the looks. The others.. we'll see what happens. I just hope that they don't pump in too many gimmicks into this season. Look at American Idol, they've kept things simple and people are still tuning in and voting.

I somehow think that the production already knew they wanted Mawi and Marsha back in... Anyone saw the look on Marlia Musa's face when the 8 rejects performed? She looked pissed...Anyway..hmmmm...

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Bang Bang

I have a cousin named Bang-bang (pronounced Beng beng). Of course, this isn't his real name. Bang-bang's parent's separated when he was small and so, it's been about 15 years since I last saw him. He had followed his mother to live in the Philliphines or was it the States..He was a really cute and chubby little kid then and this is the last image that has played in my mind any time someone mentioned him.

Yesterday, I attended my cousin Adi's akad nikah ceremony. Adi is Bang-bang's half sister. When rumours started circulating that Bang-bang was around, we were all anxious to see him. He was instantly summoned to greet all the aunties and cousins he hadn't seen in ages. It was quite exciting. The anticipation to see him after all these years. I guess we were all somehow still expecting the sweet, smiley, cuddly little kid that we remembered of him.

When alas Bang-bang made his appearance, I could still recognize his sweet face. But instead of the chubby little kid we were expecting, he was rather tall and lanky with a Hongkong style haircut and a cigarette on one hand. He's 23 and works as a writer in the Philiphines. It was nice seeing him after all these years.

When we returned home, my mom mentioned, 'Goodness, what happened to him?' I guess mom was still hung up on the image of chubby and innocent little Bang-bang too. I just smiled and thought to myself, 'What happened to him was .. life. He grew up. He's lived.' I don't want to judge him by his appearance, I'm sure he's a wonderful young man who's had some wonderful experiences and he's entitled to nothing less than any warm homecoming that we can give him here.