When we ask why, the answer we are looking for is some sort of reason. Duhh! Well, here's the thing.. reasons can be or are very personal. They go to the core of the person's being, they are based on the person's values and belief systems, which others might not necessarily get. And every person has and is entitled to their own personal beliefs. And these beliefs need not have to be explained to others. There is just a mutual understanding that you have your beliefs and I have mine. I do not ask you to accept my beliefs and neither should you of me. So when asking why, you are essentially asking the person to explain all this. Haha.. so complicated for such a short question, you may say.
Here's what I have experienced. In various occasions now, I have run into people (whom I know but are not particularly close with), who have not known about my career change. So the usual conversations run by - Hey, how are you? Where to? Alone? And after these pleasantries are done with, comes : Still at UMS, right? And once I answer this, I know.... I've let the cats run loose. (I'm a bad liar, by the way. I can't lie to save my live. If I'm ever caught and interrogated, I'll be the first one to go down!) So I think to myself, OK here we go. Wait for it...wait for it.. And sure enough, comes the next question : Why??? (or for dramatic effect, there's an added 'But') : But why???
Most frequently, these are people I bump into on the streets, as I'm off running errands. I'm not about to go into lengths and confide in them my reasons there and then with all the people passing by as I constantly look at my watch to check if I'm on schedule. And they look at me with unbelieving eyes as though I've committed the crime of the century, baitedly awaiting my reply. Perhaps some scandal of some sort, or worse maybe she was fired, they might think. Heh!! I think I have just about mastered the reply, 'Ada lah tu sebab-sebabnya tu' (I have my reasons!)
When it comes to reasons, there is no right or wrong answer. But because it stems from a person's personal beliefs, sometimes, most of the time, other people might not get it. This means, the discussion can go on and on forever really. You can agree to disagree but some might even go a step further and try to impose their reasons onto you. It goes without saying that many an arguments started from this.
When I was learning NLP, one of the things we learnt about was called meta-modelling. The purpose of meta-modelling is to gain more information in order to create rapport. In meta-modelling you ask all the questions - who, where, when, what, how - all those except for why. Because the purpose is to gain more information, it doesn't really matter (yet) what the reasons are.
So friends, I know it's so easy and tempting to ask why. If you can, refrain and ask something else instead. If you are in close terms with the person, then they will probably not mind giving you their answers. Otherwise, be prepared to either: 1. not get an answer or 2. get an answer that will totally blow your mind but you need to accept and respect it!
PS..Can not main buyuk and ask 'what's the reason?'...sama jua tuh!