Thursday, June 14, 2012


I woke up this morning with this weird feeling.  Like there was a void in my gut. I tried to recall if I had had a dream the night before and what it was all about.  And if it had anything to do with how I felt.  Remembered bits and pieces of what I think I dreamt of and began to realize what it was I was feeling.  Missing.  I had this sudden feeling that I was missing someone/some people or some thing(s).

Well, I have been on my own for quite some time now.  That many of the things or activities that I used to do have been abandoned or forgotten for the time being.  I have been on my own for quite some time now that I have lost touch with many friends or people that I used to interact with or just see on a usual basis.  Is it weird to miss someone that you don't even really know?  I think, perhaps I just miss seeing them around as I used to.

I guess this is an indication to get back on track.  To start doing and living again.  To reconnect.

For now, just know this.. I miss you.


Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Rain rain..

Rain. Wind. Fallen trees.
That is today.

Monday, June 11, 2012

In July

Some friends were mentioning about how their baby will be turning 1 year old this July.  About their planned birthday party and what they have or have not done in preparation for the party.  Theme, venue, cakes, goodie bags, entertainment and what have you.  Some are already almost done with their preparation, some are hitting the panic button.  I listen to this and it doesn't really make me budge.

My own darling Ashraf will be 1 year old this July and well, I have not done or planned anything for that day.  It's not that I don't care or that it's not a big deal.  It is.  I have thought about it.  But not to the point of planning a big do and printing out the guest list.  My mom has started asking what to do as well and what cake we should order.  Not that the baby will be having any anyway, kan...

To me, that day will be a mark of thankfulness and a big achievement for myself.  Ashraf will turn one and (I think) I have pretty much done a good job (to the best that I can) this past year of raising and caring for him on my own.  He has grown and flourished with mama's milk - still exclusively breastfed with no formula supplement - and I am so proud of that.  I bathe and put him to sleep everyday.  I am there when he wakes up.  I play with him and see how much he has grown.  And I am thankful that I have.

So, no real big bash planned.  Yeah, maybe we will have cake.  We'll take photos.  But mostly, I just want to spend the day with the family.  And in my heart be thankful and hope and pray for many more beautiful years to come..